The Preschooler

Positives First

Why is it that we, as human beings, seem to focus so much on the negative characteristics of a person?  Perhaps it is because they seem to stick out more or maybe it is because the negative attributes elicit a more powerful emotional response.  Whatever the reason, it takes practice and focus to concentrate and react to the positive attributes of a person.  This includes those of our own children.

As parents, we know we should  reward positive behaviors with praise.  However, it also makes sense that, when we notice a negative behavior, we should also correct the behavior by starting with a positive.  I know I have personally caught myself harping on one of my children for engaging in some behavior he knows he is not supposed to do, and then throwing in a positive comment at the end.  This should be the other way around.  For example, instead of yelling, “Elliot, why were you playing in the cat’s water dish again! Oh, by the way, thanks for cleaning up the mess,” what I should have said was, “Elliot, thank you for cleaning up the water you spilled, but you know you are not allowed to play in the cat’s water dish.  Please don’t do that again.”

Starting with a positive let’s the child know that he is doing something right, but that he still has a behavior to correct.  It isn’t easy, and it takes practice.  This is an area in which I still have a long way to go.  Today, I am walking around with a “+” on the top of my hand as a reminder to say a positive first.

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Written by Laura on August 13, 2010