Choices
I think one of the best tidbits of knowledge that I acquired while studying to be a teacher, actually had nothing to do with the mechanics of teaching. Instead, I learned a great way to give children a sense of control while still getting them to do what I needed them to accomplish. This simple strategy can help diffuse a tense situation or get kids to complete a task all while giving the child the sense that they made the decision and, therefore, must follow through.
So what is this magical, mystical piece of information? In one word, the answer is “choices”. No matter if they’re in the classroom or in the home, choices give kids boundaries, yet the freedom to make a decision. For example, in the classroom, I may allow my students to choose from one of four centers during free time. In my home, when I need my three-year-old son to use the potty, I might tell him that he can choose from the downstairs bathroom or the upstairs bathroom. It doesn’t matter if the child likes any of the choices or not. He quickly grabs onto the idea that he is in control even if the options are limited. In fact, in my own home, choices are typically given to our sons most when they have already refused to do something that they have been asked to do. My youngest son is only twenty-months-old, yet he understands that when he refuses to go in the house when he gets out of the car, that he will have to choose between walking himself into the house or having Mom or Dad carry him. He doesn’t want to go into the house at all, but the thought of being carried is not something our independent toddler is willing to give in to. So, instead, he always chooses to walk in himself.
The next time your child is refusing to do what you need her to do, give her a choice that, no matter which option she chooses, results in the task getting done. After a little practice, you will find yourself heading off the argument before it starts, and you will simply give the choice the very first time.
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Written by Laura on April 7, 2009
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